B’nai Sholom Tot Shabbat Service

I Had No Idea What to Expect from a

B’nai Sholom Tot Shabbat Service, Until…!

by Marsha Lazarus

“Hmm…toddlers,” I thought, “not known for a great capacity to sit still!”  I thought of our Friday night services, the Torah Study sessions I’ve been attending these last few years as well as the many Passover seders that Kath and I have hosted over the years…many of them with deeper, thoughtful messages and a fair share of reading and following in Hebrew. I could not imagine how the rabbi would draw the children in…until I attended my first Tot Shabbat service this past May!

I encountered a room full of children, parents and at least three grandparents. I counted 15 children in all (the majority between 1 and 5 years old, a couple of older kids ages 8 and 9, and one baby), some sitting on their parents’ or grandparents’ laps, some lying on their stomachs, elbows resting on the circular carpet (filled with lots of pictures and symbols of Jewish holidays and traditions)…all intently focused on Rabbi Weisbrot and the questions she posed.

“Shabbat shalom everyone,” Rabbi Weisbrot wished us all, and then asked, “So who remembers how to say ‘hello?’”  “Shalom…shalom,” some of the children responded. “And does anyone remember how to say ‘friends?’” the rabbi asked. And again, some “Chavarim’s” were heard. Then, each child (all 15) received their own special shalom greeting – and I thought, “What a lovely way to draw the children in and convey to each one, ‘This is your group!’”

And then came the fun!  “Who’s the guest that we still need to invite?” asked the rabbi. “We’re missing somebody,” she explained. It was the dinosaur! And the rabbi asked, “Does the dinosaur ring the bell?” And she continued, “Or sometimes they just need to knock at the door, right?  She’s knocking one, two, three. There’s a dinosaur knocking at my door, and she wants to have Shabbat with me. She wants to light the candles.”

And the learning continued! “When does Shabbat begin?” “So, it’s been getting brighter and brighter and brighter out. How many of you guys have been spending more time outside?” Rabbi Weisbrot asked the children. “How many of you guys have shoveled snow this week?” she teased. “Right, the days are getting longer and we have to wait a long time for the end of the day. But eventually, around bedtime now, right, the sun will go down.”

And both the joy and excitement of Shabbat seemed to build. “And when that happens on a Friday,” the rabbi asked, “what starts?” And with obvious delight, she replied, “Shabbat starts, right?  But since the sun hasn’t gone down yet, we’re going to have to make our own sunsets. Okay, ready?” Then the singing began.  “Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday night, the sun goes down. Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday night, the sun goes down. What a wonderful Shabbos sound, with the singing going ‘round and ‘round.” And beneath a whole lot of learning, there was a comfort, a joyfulness and just plain FUN!

“Joy is for all ages,” Rabbi Weisbrot responded when I asked her if a child’s sense of joy is more evident than that of an adult. “And while sometimes, we get a smaller group or the kids are just having a bad day, seeing them inch closer or sing along or just having fun together, it’s just a joy to watch!” As she has observed, “Kids have almost no shame about just being who they are.”

I had the chance to chat with some of the parents and grandparents that night. “Why do you bring your child to Tot Shabbat?” I asked each one. “Our son (4 years old) loves learning about his heritage, being around friends and just being a part of something bigger than himself!” one responded.  “Anything Jewish has always been very important to our daughter (6 years old)!” replied another.  “How do you know that?” I asked. “Because she begs to come. And it feels really good as a parent when she asks, ‘Can we make new friends today?’”

Another parent added, “Maybe specifically being Jewish, it’s nice to feel a community because sometimes you don’t always feel that in the outside world.” Two of the grandparents explained that they have been bringing their oldest granddaughter (age 4½) to Tot Shabbat since she was a baby. “She loves to light the candles and do the hand gestures to bring the light in, and she loves challah and pizza and running around with her friends. These are her associations with synagogue.”

Another parent shared, “I’d say that Tot Shabbat helped our daughter build the first steps of what it means to be Jewish and a part of the community. You’ve seen her when it’s time to leave. She’s like, ‘No, I want to stay here!’”

 The rabbi’s ability to engage the children was obvious, almost magical!  One parent, who has been bringing her child to Tot Shabbat for the past nine years, summed up her feelings: “Rabbi Weisbrot has been something extra special, so good with the kids, so musical, speaks to them on their level and in a way that they can understand.”

I also learned that there are sometimes unexpected takeaways for the parents. “I was raised in a household where my mom’s family was Jewish and my dad’s, Catholic,” one mother explained. “We did some of the holidays on both sides, but not all of them. When I had my daughter in 2017, I was looking for a way to kind of connect her to her (and my) Jewish heritage. What I did not expect, as my daughter has learned more about Jewish traditions, so have I!” “Sounds like a shared journey,” I suggested. “Yes, it really is!” the parent agreed.

The Tot Shabbat that I attended was just before the holiday of Shavuot. After describing blintzes to the children and that you can stuff them with all kinds of yummy fillings, Rabbi Weisbrot read from the PJ Library book Mr. Mintz’s Blintzes. The story was fun, involved learning about Shavuot and learning the values of helping others and contributing to your community. Rabbi Weisbrot explained, “A lot of the books that we read (which largely come from the Grinspoon Foundation-funded PJ Library series) have a moral message and help to build a sort of ethical groundwork.”

“What really sold me on B’nai Sholom’s Tot Shabbat,” explained the mom I spoke with earlier, “was the book that Rabbi Weisbrot read from at one of our first Tot Shabbats: A Moon for Moe and Mo. It’s about two boys who live on the opposite ends of the same street – one is Jewish and one is Muslim. They come together and learn about each other’s traditions at a corner store. They realize that they have so much more in common than they have different. And I realized that not only was my daughter going to have fun at Tot Shabbat and learn more about being Jewish but would also learn about where people fit within a multicultural, multireligious society.”

“Is there something particularly powerful about cultivating a Jewish identity early in a child’s life?” I asked Rabbi Weisbrot. “While the children are not going to grasp the deeper facets of our traditions, they’re slowly building an understanding, drop-by-drop,” she explained. “And when they are adults, they’ll be able to see the whole spectrum of who we are. You can see the children getting more engaged. I have watched certain kids who didn’t participate at all or hung back with their parents. And then over the months, they’re mouthing the words to the songs or moving a little closer to the front. And you can see them come out of their shells. You can see them get excited when it’s dreidel-spinning day for Chanukah or coming in costume for Purim and just see them grow, over the months, over the years.”

“We’re talking about knowing who you are,” Rabbi Weisbrot expanded, “knowing your history, your community and what you personally believe in the context of your community. Those are all really important for all ages and all people – and will get you through a lot!” “No matter what’s going on in the outside world?” I asked, “whether it’s darker or lighter times?” “Yes,” Rabbi Weisbrot responded, “absolutely!”

 “What I’ve heard from parents,” Rabbi Weisbrot elaborated, “is that their child is proud to be Jewish or even might want to be a rabbi one day.” I spoke with Tot Shabbat Coordinator Katelyn Ouellette. She and her husband David DiPaola now bring their three daughters to Tot Shabbat. “A couple of months ago,” Katelyn said, “I had to have a conversation with my oldest daughter. She likes to see herself as a helper and a leader and really wanted to join the Social Action Committee. I said, ‘No, you can’t.’ ‘Why not?’ my daughter asked. I told her that as soon as she turns 13, she’ll do her Bat Mitzvah and then will be an adult. And then, I told her, she can join as many committees as she likes and I will drive her to every single one of them. She’s now counting down the days until she can join a committee!”

 “And yes,” the rabbi continued, “they’re a little young for firm decisions, but they see that this can be a big and fulfilling part of their lives, where they have friends, a comfort level, and even, knowledge…and that they can, as they grow up, become more active and engaged members of the Jewish community.”